Wow.
I have not written on here in a long time. I had to re-read the last few entries to see where I was with things.
So a few people have asked me about Kelli. Occassionally, questions about her make themselves known, especially when I have not seen someone for a long time, and the last time I DID see them, all I talked about was her.
Not that anything is supposed to be ‘happening’ or ‘going anywhere’, but I guess that is pretty much the current summary of it all.
Kelli seems to be doing okay in her life. She tells me that she is still in Richmond, Virginia and that she is doing okay. She is working at an ice-cream kiosk. She is still living with her dad and stepmum. She just quit ONE of her jobs at the hotel, because she was not happy, and she is due to start the replacement job at a sports store anytime soon.
Sometimes she is in daily contact on MSN and on Facebook, but occassionally she will ‘go off again’ for a while.
I guess in that respect, we have not really moved on at all.
She has been doing that for nearlt 4 yrs.
She says that she has to be happy with her in her own life before we can come together. We have touched on what happened whilst she was out in Oklahoma, and she says that she will never be able to apologise enough.
There as been a little tear or 2, but I know that I dont hurt anymore. I miss the feelings I have, but I’m sad I will not have those feelings back.
It hard to be in love with someone, when they are not around. All I have is a memory of what love felt like, and I feel lucky enought to have even felt that. After so many years of feeling nothing for no-one.
I wonder sometimes if Kelli and I hadn’t met at the end of 2007, whether we would have even met at all Would she have ever met me?
I wonder if I had not met Kelli, would I have met someone else?
There is a lot of reflection going on in my life. And its hard sometimes to see everything so clearly.
I was SOOOO convinced when I started writing this blog that Kelli and I would quickly get together. And its not like I have not tried.
That was just over 2 yrs ago since we were last together.
We’ve not had a phone call in 11th months.
I’ve not seen a new picture of her in ages.
So now?
As she told me……”don’t put all your hopes on me terry” on MSN once.
So I have to move on. I figure if anything becomes of this, I can figure it all out again then, but right now, nothing seems to be happening, and I cannot make anything happen. Certainly not on my own.
This whole thing has drained me and I sometimes wander if I will ever love another woman.
Kelli, if you read this. I want only great things for you. It would have been great if it had worked out, but it was obviously not meant to be.
Take care kiddo.
She is so selfish for not letting you go! After everything she did! Oh my dear God, if she really loved you she would see how much you deserve someone better than her. This isn’t love on her part Terry! I know love and this isn’t it, i promise! You are a total sweetheart.. I know i am a stranger but I really want you to be happy. It’s so unfair the way she tells you to keep waiting.. does she expect you to wait forever? Any second one of us could perish this earth.. it is clear that you are not her first priority, else she would have gone to be with you years ago, or at least put in some effort! Gosh she’s so manipulative.. don’t let her abuse you this way (Yes, abuse! cause that’s what she’s doing.. conscious emotional abuse!). When you disappeared for a while on that trip of yours and she started sending you the emails, she got all angry because you weren’t replying to her.. but doesn’t she realise THAT’S WHAT SHE HAS BEEN DOING TO YOU FOR 4 YEARS! what a hypocrite. I’m so sorry if i come off as rude, but set yourself free Terry!! Enough is enough! and 4 YEARS in a one-sided relationship is definitely more than enough! There are so so many girls with far more character than Kelli who would die to have a man so loving as yourself, and so deserving of love. If Kelli had any respect for you (and respect for herself!) she would have let you go months and months ago.. she would have been straight-up with you (Relationships can’t be based on secrecy and lies!) and told you how it was, told you every step of the way and always reminded you that she knew it must be hard for you, and that you could move on. But no, instead she keeps begging you to wait for her, playing games with you, and making open-ended lies that keep feeding your poor little abused heart.
You’re wonderful for hanging in there so long, Terry. I really hope you open your eyes and see how Kelli’s actions have already doomed this relationship. A successful relationship needs to have a strong backbone to fall upon.. these years are the backbone of your relationship with Kelli. Successful? i think not. You’re still young and you still have a lot of doors open for you, ready to let you move on! Don’t wait till you are older and a lot of those doors have closed.
Also Terry, i advise you to go check back on the comments you received on that site you posted in yesterday (Not sure if i should say the name). I’m from that site and i really think the advice they left you is very helpful.
Terry, I read the entire thing and it’s gutting to see the insane amount of effort and work you put in to trying to to get it to work. After 4 years nothing has changed and she is still messing you about. Even if it did work out I don’t know if you could have a ‘proper’ relationship and manage to trust her. What’s to say one day you wouldn’t wake up and find she’d packed her bags and gone back to America?
Love is boundless, but it cannot overcome everything. It takes two people to make it work and Kelli just doesn’t seem to put it in. She’s happy to have you chasing after her, emailing, waiting, sending her pictures, begging her to see you but she never reciprocates. She’s never the one wanting to meet up, wanting your number. The cards are in her hands and she’s throwing them away to go play snooker.
Does she love you? I don’t know. I love someone, he lives in a different country from me and I couldn’t go more than a few days without speaking, a few months without seeing eachother, a year without a picture. I would do anything, regardless of money or circumstance to see him even if it were just for a day; and he would do the same to me. If you love someone you will trancend the circumstances to be with them, and she just… doesn’t. She lies and makes excuses and runs away so many times.
It must have taken a lot to get through this experience whole, and that’s commendable. I just worry about the rest of your life; are you really going to go through the rest of your life denying yourself other women in the tiny hope Kelli might stop fucking around, sort her head out and stop playing bullshit ping-pong with your heart? Other women will give you the love you deserve. And like you said, you are in love with the memory of her. You haven’t seen her in years. God knows what she’s like now; people change. Do you even think you knew the real her?
Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck, Terry.
i saw a comment of urs on youtube (skys video about long distance relationships) i know how u feel ive been in a LDR for 2 yrs until i decided out of the blue to jus forget everythin n jus leave with my bf in the middle of the night despite me knowing my mother’s goin to have an operation the next day – but i couldnt live wihtout him and 2 yrs apart killed me i was depressed n withdrawn – thinking why cant i just be with him- all i know is my mother is fine and my family has stopped contacting me! i am also dealin with false charges issued by my family i guess i pissed them off when i married him – as u know an arab gurl with an american guy isnt the norm – i think u should go see her agian talk face to face n see where its going! i wasnt goin to leave that night if he hadnt called me n basically talked me into it i was scared of leaving my life – but am happier than ever!
if u need any support
i know wats ur goin thro hit me up on msn
Ah, Terry.
I think four years is long enough.
You can always hold on to your love for her as a memory, but I am telling you from experience that you will never, ever be with this woman.
She has been stringing you along, even if unintentionally.
You fought the good fight, hung on much longer than any sane person could be expected to hang on.
And I get it. I do.
I am an American and met someone online; he was in the UK. Man, I fell so hard for him and he fell for me … and it’s a long story, but damn I loved that man. We were supposed to be together, I was supposed to see him last April, and I had a ticket to go see him, all was set up. Well, it didn’t happen. He pulled a “Kelli” on me.
That’s all I say in public.
Anyway , I went through some of the same things with him. I haven’t spoken to him in over a year. I will always love him, but I have moved on. I am no longer waiting for him.
Nothing, not one single thing is enough to keep her from picking up a phone and calling you or at least giving you a number. That in itself is a huge sign –something is rotten in Denmark.
She treated you like poo then got offended when you dared call her out on it –ha!!
It’s very . very obvious that this relationship has been one-sided a long time, and even if she does care for you, she does not love you; she doesn’t, and you won’t be with her. Please … see that, ok? You deserve to see that.
She can get angry, but remember –we are removed from the emotions of the relationship, and it’s all pretty clear from here. No matter what happened, there is no good reason for ANY of what she has done It’s rude, it’s despicable, it’s inconsiderate and hurtful.
Pick yourself up and don’t be her doormat any longer.
And if you need someone to talk to …. well, it looks like you’ve got yourself a ton of support!!
T, this is your C. You know how people can get so caught up in World of Warcraft that they stop enjoying real life? It just seems like this “virtual” relationship is stopping you from getting out there with other people. This whole thing is just an interactive fantasy for her. She doesn’t want you around, she just likes the attention. If I were you, I’d do the equivalent of burning this blog so she doesn’t have this trophy of her power over you to inflate her ego. Anyone who was in love with you, or even cared about you as a human being, would have treated you better. You know, deep down, that they would and they do. You’ve got tons of friends that prove that you’re awesome. Let this whole thing go. Your first love is always special until you meet your next love, and you will. But you gotta be open to it!!
wow. i have no clue how i came apon this website or the story but it really impacted me. i couldnt sleep. i just wanted to keep reading. When kelli did something that i thought was horrible i would yell at my computer yeah i know real mature there but i got so angry. u seem like a great guy who deserves great things. there are not very many guys in the world like u. it shows a lot about u. Girls always use guys like u. and i hope u have a great life. no one knows her side to the story but from reading urs i feel like u should move on and be happy. it will take time but i have faith in u. if u or anyone wants to talk about this feel free to contact me lil.miss.princess.723@hotmail.com
[.Michelle.]
**good luck**
**god bless**
Perrhaps the greatest love story is to simple be able to love whole heartedly at all.
I think you’ve love’d whole heartedly, I bet even though you may sit and question your actions these past four years , you wouldnt change the journey you’ve been on.
Your story is beautiful and inspirational at how selfless you’ve been able to be.
Thankyou for your story.
Elizabeth
read this and thort of you
but it seems things turned out badly.
have u seen 500 days of summer?
Long Distance Love
by Exakta66
Long Distance Love
Long distance love, how are you?
Are you thinking of me too?
I thought about you again today,
Just hoping that you are okay,
Can’t you please pick up the phone?
As I sit here all alone.
Long distance love, do you recall?
The times it seemed we had it all,
The times we thought would never end,
But now I need more than a friend,
Everything could be so right,
If you would just come home tonight.
Long distance love, can’t you see?
How much you really mean to me,
Sometimes it seems to be my fate,
To have to sit at home and wait,
But if this is what I have to do,
I will always be here for you.
04-01-10.
Terry,
I have no idea why I am posting a comment on this…perhaps I was just struck by the simplistic nature of what it feels like to be in love. I have been involved in many relationship not just online. Over the past year I was reconnected with one of my ex-girlfriends and things were going great until. Things did not work out between us because of religion so unfortunately I had to end it all. I got tired of always being beaten up like I was the bad guy because of her choice of religion and yet she started playing that little blame game that sometimes happens. Long story short, somehow recently I ended up getting into contact with another girl from my past via facebook. We started writing as in actually writing in the snail mail…where you don’t actually lick a stamp anymore but you stick it on a the envelope and send it through the post office. Anyways I soon ended that as her articulation was to slow in comparison to mine, her letters were very vague and short, and it took forever between messages! Eventually we kept going back and forth between Facebook messages, Skype became the next deal talking with video conference. All of this has been going on over the course of the last several months. Now here is what gets me the most!!! How is it that women string along a guy like this and claim that have zero feelings when they clearly have feelings throughout their conversations during text, voice, mail, and etc…??? She drives me crazy and I am two click away from the mouse of just never talking to her again, I hate this kind of B.S. I just want a normal relationship.