Some times its easy to forget.
With all the stuff that has happened and felt over the past 3 and a bit years, it is easy to forget the little things.
Especially when I have been caught up in my emotions, and trying to give a little structure to something I can barely understand.
But I was just looking through my old Myspace account (anyone remember that drop in the ocean Myspace?) and looking through my myspace emails as I was looking for an address.
Myspace…….ha, back in the day!!
Any way, I just stumbled across Kelli’s deleted myspace account, but it still has all of her messages that she has sent me in my inbox. I got this for my birthday about 15 months ago. Made me smile that she had made the effort with this.
There is a man across the sea
He is always trying to get to me
There will be a time
Of celebration and wine
Getting together and making things right
With bad things behind us and out of sight
He’ll play his guitar some
Singing songs with a little hum
Until death do us part
You will always have my heart
Making me a proud and happy wife
I will always love having you in my life
Happy Birthday I love you
Kelli
*my god… could i be any cheesier*
I like to think that I am pretty good at poetry. I have been freelancing my poetry for a few years now, so I like to think I am good. (others may beg to differ). But I really like that she did this. Made me smile. The playfulness and fun in this, is pure and sincere.
So where are we now?
So if there is anymore to it, it will be as new to you as it is to me.
After the hectic and emotional summer, and all of the heated emails, things are simple at the moment. Kelli has been in regular contact since July. Since opening up and saying what I felt, rather than what I thought she wanted to hear, I have let all my feelings that were bottled up out. I am no longer angry or frustrated with her. If I hear from her, AWESOME. If I dont, oh well.
I have invested so much energy and emotion trying to have a degree of control on a situation that floats in the wind.
The truth of the matter is this. I prayed to meet Kelli long before I ever met her, maybe even years before. I have never been as happy with another woman as I have with Kelli. The 12 days I spent with her, surpass everyone else in a heartbeat. All of them together. Having feelings gives meaning and perspective to everything before and after meeting her. It is not a ‘traditional’ relationship, but I think maybe part of me likes the fact it is not conventional.
As it stands at the moment, every time I get an email from her, I am grateful I am still in her heart. More importantly, I am really happy for her that she is happy and she has meaning in her life. Things SEEM to be going well for her. I guess I am almost proud of her. She may have dug her own hole and wallowed in it a bit, but she also said that she was not putting up with that shit, and she is getting/ has gotten herself out of it. Some people do not.
Sure, I’d love to see her again. I’d love us to webcam again. I’d love to talk on the phone.
Right now, I am just glad she is happy.
So, I finally got done reading everything Terry. All I have to say is awesome work. The story flowed smoothly and held my interest to finish it. There were a few grammatical errors that fucks with my mind, but that is because I’ve had an anal English teacher. Thank you Mr. Hovde!
You definitely were able to strike emotions in me. As ironic as I may be, I am a very emotional person, but I hardly get emotional over other people’s stories. I find when I do, it is because their feelings are honest and upfront.
It is easy for me to say (just like everyone and their brother), if this does not motivate Kelli to get her shit together and stop screwing with your emotions, then she does not deserve the man that you have become. Kelli knows it. That is why she is being a pussy. If she were the woman that you need her to be, then she would not have written that email that you posted in pt 16. Yes, Duh! She is confused as she clearly states and expresses in that email. That’s American women for you.
Kelli, get over your vagina already. How long are you going to allow yourself to act like a scared little girl thinking that it’s the only way to get yourself the attention that you need. Woman up and take some fucking responsibility. I know how hard it is to be an American woman confused with all the bullshit this society throws at us. I know you are a good person, because Terry would not choose to have such an insecure fuck like you.
Yes Kelli, it boils down to insecurities. Once you get over it, you’ll finally see how much you really deserved that harsh drunken email from Terry. Get over the fact that he has this hurtful side that you don’t like. All men have it. At least you found a man that will choose not to be hurtful to you, despite all your bullshit, until he realized that you were poison in his life. All he did was call you out and typically you got all butt hurt. Waa, Waa! I know I don’t know your life, but your behaviors are typical. If that is what you want to be, then you’ll never be the woman that Terry deserves. The woman that I know you want to be.
Don’t take too long, he is liable to get snatched up. Someone will develop the correct feelings that he deserves and treat him better than you could ever do. It’s sad, because I actually believe you are beautiful in all the pictures that he posted. I actually believe that you are everything that could make Terry happy for the rest of his life. I actually believe he is everything that could make you happy for the rest of your life.
I know it, even though you don’t want to come to grips, this is True Love. It’s fucking hard work! Quit being a woman-baby! It’s driving me crazy and I haven’t even met you.
Terry, Good luck! If Kelli continues to puss out, then at least you don’t have to have it on your conscious that you did not try everything. Relationships have to be 50-50 or else you leave the door open to resentment. It looks to me that Kelli and her selfish actions have caused this resentment.
Terry, I know that you are a man that knows how to love and do what is possible to make a relationship work.
Kelli, the only thing I believe that you are at this point is someone who wants to love but only knows how to work her vagina. There’s more to love than that.
Don’t even try to get me to apologize for my words. I won’t when they’re everything that I mean to say based off of everything I know about Terry and reading his blog. You have a lot of convincing to get me to make my own decision to change my own mind.
I don’t believe it has anything to do with her being American. There are people like this all around the world.
I’m so exhausted after reading all of this. Mostly because your behavior is so repetitive with her. You can’t repeat the same action expecting a different result. After the second time of being left in the dirt, I would move on. Granted, you are a great writer Terri, I feel somewhat that you are obsessed-I may be wrong. Kelli just soaked it all up. Who doesn’t like being obsessed over, right? But obviously she wasn’t willing to return the favor.
We all have stories of pain and confusion. It’s sad that people allow the devil to bring confusion into their lives which leads to more pain and destruction. I have a very familiar story (I told you part of it in an earlier comment). I’ve also had a rough relationship from 2007 to summer of 2009. It’s too long and graphic to write about here. However, being born again is what made me a new person in Christ and He is who I won’t let go of. For me, I finally realized that I have to put God first and love myself before loving anyone else.
I see that you are on a Christian dating site seeking commitment and love. First off, I really hope this woman is out of your life!
I think it’s very important that you research soul ties. Because this may be a reason why you can’t find a soul mate. It won’t happen unless you let go of Kelli and unless you let go of whomever you have been romantically involved with. You seemed to be unequally yoked. Kelli does not have Christian values and morals. God wants us to marry someone with the same faith and be fruitful. You can not love one person and secretly have love for another. So before you seek others clear up these ties.
You’re also using astrology instead of God to lead your way. Please don’t take what I say the wrong way, I’m just trying to help you understand what may be in the way of you finding an everlasting, God sent love. BECAUSE THIS IS NOT IT. I’m not saying I don’t believe in astrology, I just feel that you should rely more on God. When we use other things such as magic or other traps to get answers there tends to be a lot of confusion, misconceptions and sin as a result.
I hope that I’m not sounding preachy. It’s just so obvious that you can’t see this relationship is toxic. You verbally and physically gave yourself to her. Now you have to break this negative soul tie which makes you obsessed, hurt and feel like a victim. Eventually it will carry over into your future relationships if you don’t cleanse yourself. Search soul ties on youtube and hopefully you will find a Chrisitian perspective that will help you. As for the comments on this page, I think Kelli’s true personality came out in her response to Tracie. I hope you understand why everything happens for a reason. She doesn’t seem to be good for you Terry. In the end you might have been let down in a worse way. So cut ties with her now and rely on God to lead the way. You’ll know you’ve found “the one” when you don’t have to ask questions, wait around or feel pain.
Over the past year I tried dating two guys from the UK. I won’t put all my business on here. We can chat privately if you’d like. But I just wanted to add that I wanted the relationships to work so I put in 100% . Because in a long distance relationship it is important to communicate often as you are not spending time together. When I realized it cost too much to use my phone, I joined skype and used that to talk with them. We planned conversations ahead of time, we spoke everyday, he lost sleep, I lost sleep. I STAYED IN CONSTANT COMMUNICATION. THERE WERE NO LIES OR OTHER MEN. WHEN I SAID I WAS GOING TO DO SOMETHING, I DID IT. ETC
We once spoke for 11 hours straight! After my first visit to London, I was already planning how I was going to move my dog and I there. When someone cares for you, they show it. Even without the money, it’s possible to get online, have a friend type up an email, you offered to call her…so all she had to do was get to a phone MAKE IT HAPPEN. This was not the case. If she was so unfortunate to not have a computer then write a letter by mail! That would have reached you sooner than the months and months it took her to email you sweetie! Be smart…don’t believe lies!!
Please please please tell me that you have broken these chains from this manipulative, immature, apathetic, foolish woman. Sorry but I’m being honest.
I don’t know why this posted twice. Sorry about that.
Tracie. I don’t give a flying fart about what you think about me and the relationship that Terry and I have. First off, I’m not explaining myself to someone who has no clue of what they are talking about, or to someone who thinks they know the situation. YOU DONT. Point blank, your an idiot if you think anything you said was based on what Terry wrote in this blog.
Further more, There is so much to this story that you and the rest of the world do not know… as stated by Terry himself… this is only his point of view.
I know I am lucky to have Terry’s love. I know I have fucked up numerous times.
Fuck you if you think this has anything at all to do with my vagina! Get over yourself and get off your pedistal, read it again and get a fucking clue about what the story is about.
Kelli,
Duh! I don’t know everything about the relationship that you two share. You still haven’t posted your side of the story. Even in one of the comments you said stated that you would give your side of the story very soon. It’s been two months since I read this blog and the only thing that you have contributed to it, is by responding to my comment, in which you don’t give a flying fart. I would like to point out for someone who claims to not give a flying fart, you sure did get angry by my words. The legitmacy of you not caring is a huge question mark in my head.
If I didn’t know what I am talking about, then I would have kept my mouth shut and kept my thoughts to myself. You concluding that I must be an idiot, because I made my opinions from reading Terry’s blog, doesn’t phase me considering that your words to Terry can’t follow through with proper action. You blow smoke up his ass by telling him all these hallmark words and then disappear from his life without common courtesy explanation. You are very much a self-entitled brat that can’t handle someone actually calling herself out. I can tell that you’ve had rough life and have experienced abuse. It shows through in the emails that you wrote that Terry copied and pasted. I know how much being an abused victim sucks, but if you can’t get your emotions under control, then you’ll never reach true happiness.
I think its funny that you think I’m the one on the pedistal, when I don’t have an awesome guy writing a blog about how much he loves and cares about me and no matter what bullshit I put him through he ultimately wants me to be happy, even though he can’t have me. Here I thought I was just some bystander who happened to know Terry just giving my opinions to the internet world. I don’t think I’m the one that needs to read this blog again to get the fucking clue what the story is about.
I agree 100% with Tracie. Oh, Terry.. you are such a wonderful, caring, and insightful person ( and truly so much more!). The world deserves more people like you in it. You certainly deserve heaps more than what Kelli is giving you .. she has had you wrapped around her little finger and she knows it. I wish you good luck and the all happiness you are so strongly worthy of. I know it’s not up to me, and I’m terribly sorry for my rude opinion, but i really hope you don’t waste your life waiting on this girl, Terry. It breaks my heart just thinking about it…
Thanks Lina. On a normal basis, I don’t like to come off as rude either, but sometimes the situation call for it in order for me to be completely honest. Some people need to understand what others truly think about them, instead of worrying about hurt feelings. I agree that Kelli is abusing Terry, but I question whether she is consciously or unconsciously abusing him through her subconscious emotions. I’ll be able to make a better assessment once she comes clean with her side of the story. Until she does speak her side, I have no other reason to think the way I do.
Kelli, if you ever read any responses again you must understand that you seem incredibly immature for your age.
Actions are louder than words and you’ve shown no love in your actions but only “keeping him on the string in case you want to feel loved” in your words. If you truly wanted to hear from him, to contact him – you would have found a way. No excuses.
Terry, I acted like Kelli when I was 15. You’ve shown love and committment through your actions – she has not. I don’t pray, but I really do hope you will meet a woman who can show you what true committment and love from a woman is really like. This girl is not the woman you thought she was.