Wow.
I have not written on here in a long time. I had to re-read the last few entries to see where I was with things.
So a few people have asked me about Kelli. Occassionally, questions about her make themselves known, especially when I have not seen someone for a long time, and the last time I DID see them, all I talked about was her.
Not that anything is supposed to be ‘happening’ or ‘going anywhere’, but I guess that is pretty much the current summary of it all.
Okay, so I have had a few people ask me on this site, on email, and in person, why I could just not go over to America to be with Kelli to see if it would work.
As for as I am aware, I am only entitled to a holiday visa, which entitles me to a 3 month stay in the USA. The reasons that I cannot do this are easy.
Now I am not saying that I wouldnt give those things up, just that a little planning might be necessary first. I couldn’t just go over there and not come back, for example.
I am not too sure how knowledgable people are when it comes to requirements for moving to the USA, so I thought I would detail everything. There are only a certain number of ways that a foriegner is allowed to reside in the USA.
These are all my options that I am aware of.
With all the stuff that has happened and felt over the past 3 and a bit years, it is easy to forget the little things.
Especially when I have been caught up in my emotions, and trying to give a little structure to something I can barely understand.
But I was just looking through my old Myspace account (anyone remember that drop in the ocean Myspace?) and looking through my myspace emails as I was looking for an address.
Myspace…….ha, back in the day!!
So, I had a lot of time to think about everything. I was being logical and thoughtful. I was calm. I had an awesome holiday. I was not sad. A little disappointed. I was not angry or in a heighten state, but I was a lot clearer about where my head was.
The Greatest Love Story Ever Told? Well, certainly MY greatest love story was over. I hated it and I knew it. It was time to end it.
It was over.
Well……….this thing is sure dragging itself out right?
My mind flits on a daily basis about how I have given up/am giving up faith on her, and then seeing how she has treated me over the past year and a half, well the whole 3 years in fact.
When Kelli is around and in my life, even just in contact, like on the phone, she gives me a lot more focus, drive and reason for doing even the most mundane tasks. Without her, I just feel a bit lost. Like why am I doing anything at all. I know I am doing it all for me, but beyond that……what are my goals?
In my heart, when I was in the states, and I was with her, it felt like…………..it felt perfect. Like I had found the glove for my hand, the shoe for my foot. Everything all made sense at that point. I knew I was to be with her.
Am I still kidding myself? I mean really?
*seriously, leave comments………….I am open to opinions, answers and objections.*